I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
