i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
