Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
