My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
