Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
