Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize