I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
