shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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