I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
