Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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