She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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