Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
