is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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