Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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