so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
