I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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