My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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