True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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