told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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