This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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