I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
