Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
