She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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