We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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