Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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