Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
