like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can't turn off my feet"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
