I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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