I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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