Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
