it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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