I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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