I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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