...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize