It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
