omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
