All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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