Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
