I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
