If i come over, it means nothing
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
