thus making me awesome and them whores
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
