when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
