I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
