Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
