Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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