I accidentally had phone sex last night
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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