it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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