i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
