I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
