My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
