she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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