Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
