Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
how does that bad decision feel?
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