you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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