I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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