I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
