Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
