so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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