Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize