I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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