Whod you bang
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
