hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
