Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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