I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
