We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
