just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
