worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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