I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's rum buckets o'clock
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
