you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
