Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
