Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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